Late nights

Having been slowly weaned out of falling asleep with the sun, I am experiencing on of my first really late nights. It feels good to work while everyone sleeps. This tends to be the only time I feel truly productive- when I know I won't be interrupted by a phone call or a house full of busybodies.

The last month has been more difficult than I expected, less productive than I expected, and altogether much slower than I expected. I feel like I'm just now able to live out a normal day of work and rest and conversation without being overwhelmed with fatigue or unexplained tension. At first, I thought it was just tightened nerves. But as time has passed I've noticed that it's simply because of what I know now.

It's hard for me to live here, to drink coffee and watch a tv show and drive to the park and eat a turkey sandwich when I know the turmoil that's out there. I have seen and experienced some of the harshest living conditions in humanity. I've known the truest of hard days. I've seen the filth of neglected children and the struggle that families go through to make it to another day.

But now I'm back to the sweet life. Structure everywhere. Enforced laws. Electricity freely flowing. Water from a faucet. Kids with sneakers on. Carpeted floors. English-speakers all over the place. And after a whole month I'm still not quite sure what to do with myself. I've never known this type of re-acclimation. I have to get used to my own country again.

It's happening, only much slower than thought.

I wonder...

if it's normal to crave salt.

if I've just gotten up from a magnificently intense dream.

why I wake up thinking that I'm still in Haiti.

whose life Dee saved today.

how I survived the last year.

if it's okay to buy cookie dough by the pound.

what the kids are doing.

how I was ever satisfied with an indifferent lifestyle.

what time it is.

why I'm not asleep.

who I might meet next.

why I seem to be the purest gravitational force of blessings beyond my wildest dreams.

how may people wore this t-shirt before I did.

how much it costs to see a movie these days.

what will happen next.

My American Firsts

I wanted to put together a little compilation of the first things I got to experience after returning to the States after a nine-month absence. Some are fun, some are awesome and the rest are simply spectacular. Enjoy.

First Meal: Turkey sandwich and coffee at Starbucks.

First Beverage: Apple Juice.

First Person I met for the First Time: My 4-month-old niece, Elliot (Woohoo!)

First Hugs: 1 of my brothers, both of my sisters and Misty.

First Drive on a Road with Lines on it: St. Louis to Quincy, just like the good ole days.

First Night's Sleep: On a cot in Elliot's room. Comfy and COLD!

First article of clothing I had to procure: Jacket. Brrrrr.

First Person I Surprised: Lindi, followed by Kelsey. Kelsey's reaction was awesome!

First time I Drove ALONE: To church on Sunday morning, 6 hrs after I got off the plane.

First Walk ALONE: Sunday afternoon in the rain. Perfect.

First Book I started Reading: "Shakespeare's Four Great Comedies". I recommend it.

First Dessert: Cheesecake on Monday. Wonderful.

First Nap: A couple days after getting here, home alone in a recliner. Doesn't get any better than that.

First "Duh!" experience: The second night, I watched a movie on my laptop because I forgot there was a tv. Near the end, the computer's battery died and I put it away, not realizing that I could just plug it in and finish the movie. Electricity . . . who knew?

Those are the good ones. All the little things may seem unimportant, but it's a comfort thing. Familiarity is nice to experience. My days are still pretty random, but in a way that's very normal and mostly unstraining- pretty much the opposite of the last nine months in Haiti.

The negative is that Dee and I are seperated again, so we're back to trying to work together while we're a couple thousand miles apart.

I'm working hard at filling my schedule now. It's working out pretty well so far. I'm making new contacts and nourishing others. It's been quite refreshing so far.

Much love and more soon,
C