You know you're in Haiti when...

I feel the need to mix in a little humor with this next post. I’m not trying to rescue any delicate feelings or anything. Nor do I want to take any gravity away from our situation. But every once in a while, like now, the stress needs to be dulled a bit with a healthy dose of laughter.

For this purpose I have put together a list of sorts to give you a better idea of the funny and the real things that go on in a situation like ours. Haiti is in a bad way- a very bad way. But the people here still appreciate life for what it is. Haitians know more than most that life needs to be lived even in the midst all of its rubble. At this time and in this condition, Haiti is like this:

You know you’re in Haiti when the way to get the kids to take a bath is to say, “Come take a bath before the next earthquake!” It works.

You know you’re in Haiti when the first thing you see when you wake up is a blue tarp hanging 2 inches from your face.

You know you’re in Haiti when to earn a few bucks a teenage boy runs to you with an oily rag and starts to wipe the dirt from your sandals. Happened to me on Saturday.

You know you’re in Haiti when the answer to “Where’s the toilet paper?” is “In the freezer.”

You know you’re in Haiti when the solution to several of your problems is diapers and/or duct tape.

You know you’re in Haiti when the theme song for the morning church service is “You don’t have time- you’re already dead.”

You know you’re in Haiti when your new office is located directly below the tree that sheds the most leaves and happens to also contain the most ants which constantly fall on you like rain.

You know you’re in Haiti when your indoor office gets fleas, your outdoor office gets wasps and
your bedroom is outdoors with every dog and baby in the neighborhood NOT sleeping right next to you.

You know you’re in Haiti when you get yelled at for staying inside the building for more than 7.5 minutes.

You know you’re in Haiti when the only qualification for a pleasant conversation is that the other person doesn’t beg you for something.

You know you’re in Haiti when your satellite phone’s guarantee of 98% no-drop calls turns into 98% of calls are dropped.

You know you’re in Haiti when you are more likely to have a helicopter drop supplies onto your property than to eat a pizza.

You know you’re in Haiti when climbing on and off of 20 ft containers for miscellaneous reasons is one of your daily chores.

You know you’re in Haiti when you have to put “Take a bath” on your to-do list.

You know you’re in Haiti when “Count dogs” and “Count goats” are also on your to-do list.

You know you’re in Haiti when you’re throwing rocks at your own dogs.

You know you’re in Haiti when the locals respect you more now because “You die the same that we die.” One of my workers told me that the day after I got here.

You know you’re in Haiti when everything is tentative, everyone is afraid, every place is desolate except the airport and everything takes longer than it takes.

Love you all. More soon.
C